Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program
Late-night's prominent hosts devoted the evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration program, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the wealthy.
Colbert's Pointed Spin
Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."
The subject was the new plan that permits overseas citizens to buy U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" version for five million. A government page guarantees processing "faster than ever."
"A quick message for you to rich immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He pointed out that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, with hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – if it's the that one hotel," he said.
"Unprecedented background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique
On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"Here's a card that will let affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."
"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.
Recently, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."
"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.
