The Phrases given by My Dad Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider failure to talk amongst men, who often internalise harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to request a break - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, altered how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."